i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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