A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
