garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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