Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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