Already got asked if we're dating
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
