Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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