I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Randomize
