true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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