I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
