I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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