Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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