What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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