I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
smell my finger.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
