so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
