True but thats because hes a fetus.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
