New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were trust falling into bushes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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