i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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