I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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