My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
