at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
