so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
