Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
