did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
