the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
