Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
