i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We had to coat check the pizza.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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