Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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