the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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