They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
