So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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