What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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