no you cant smoke seaweed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
