Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
