So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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