We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
