My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
