I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
