You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
