No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
