why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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