I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
