No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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