I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
