but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
