Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it hurts more in the daytime
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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