my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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