Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
