Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
