alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
