I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
