theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
