She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
